I had a mental breakdown at nineteen.
The most intriguing fact for me was that nobody seemed to understand what was going on. Hell, not even I was understanding. This will tell you the level of stress these so called "millennials" are exposed to. Millennials (also known as Generation Y), wikipedia tells us, "are the demographic cohort following Generation X. (...)
Most researchers and commentators use birth years ranging from
the early 1980s to the early 2000s."
We are living under constant social and political pressure and economical instability, so no wonder we are a mess. And yes, I know that the generations before us had it worse but that doesn't mean we are not under a lot of continuous stress. The context is not the same, the issues are not the same so I think the level of comparison shouldn't even exist.
When my mother was my age, she for starters, had already a job, a house, a husband and a kid on the way. She didn't have all things figured out but she still had to do it because that's what everybody was doing at the time. She had another kind of pressure to face. When you have those examples from the past and then you look around and see whats going on how do you know which is the right way to go?
I spent nineteen years in my home, with my parents. I spent 20% of my life under constant protection and indication of what is good and bad with no prospect of what is going to happen once I grow up.
Imagine waking up one day receiving blows from every direction and this bundle of information just falls on you and you are not prepared on how to handle it and you do not have anybody tell you that this is good and this is bad. So you just stop.
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And I didn't know how to handle it. Instead I choose to believe that I was sleeping that much because I liked sleep a lot, I didn't want to go outside the dorm room because I was just too lazy to dress up, I didn't have energy because I wasn't eating properly. I was eating crappy food because I was too lazy to cook, I didn't want to interact with people just because I was because slightly anti-social. I started drinking because of the social surroundings.
To sum it up. I was lying to myself and I realized it only after I got over some of it and mainly, only today, after almost 5 months did I read by mistake an article about mental breakdowns and realized how much of an idiot I was. Constantly lying to myself and telling myself "You are fine, you are just tired, today you'll get out of the house"
Until then, the people I was living with at the time were just thinking that I am a messy, good for nothing person. And nobody saw anything wrong with the whole situation considering that they knew me before this started. They knew me when I was this active, go-lucky, active person and saw nothing wrong with the fact that I wouldn't get out of the house. I don't blame them. We were strangers.
Still, as a piece of advice when you see someone who was a person full of energy and all of a sudden she/he turns to have such a hard time living just stop from what you are doing and ask "Do you want to talk about things? What's going on?" And don't believe them when they say "Hehe, I am ok. Don't worry!" Just keep a close eye on them because it really sucks when you are far from home and you have nobody near you...
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You see me everyday.
I am usually that girl who sits by herself in class or that girl who doesn't know how to open or continue a conversation and always (but always) is going to be an awkward silence while speaking with somebody mainly becauseshe does something or says something so outrageously silly that you just give up on the conversation and wait to get away from her.
Yeah, I am that girl. It kinda sucks, doesn't it?
I bet you know at least one girl just like that.
And let me tell you some things about myself. I dress funky because I really like thrift shops and there I can find a lot of clothes or shoes that I find gre at to wear. Because of that I kinda stand out in a crowd.
I find it really hard to get out of bed in the morning because I like to sleep more than the usual amount. After I wake up I am just a zombie until I wake up. I dress up and run to college. At college I just choose to sit somewhere in the back with my headphone on and doing my homework because I am too lazy to do it at home. I am studying two different specializations. I am currently studying arts - graphic design and economics. I am involved in a international organization and a student organization at the moment. At the same time I try to have some time for myself just so that I don't go crazy.
I used to think I am smart but I am not that smart. I don't think so anymore. I am afraid of public speaking and I don't know how to express myself. I get panicked easily and that's why I am starting to speak at an alarming rate, getting off the subject most of the time. I am not the most organized person ( an interviewer said that I was neither organized in my thoughts nor my things) so yeah
I should get some order in my life. Is pretty chaotic right now.
I like to take walks by myself because it empowers me and gives me confidence. I don't consider myself attractive because I don't know how to act sexy or how to act at all interesting or interested. I don't know how these kinds of things work so I just don't get involved most of the times.
So, hi!
The most intriguing fact for me was that nobody seemed to understand what was going on. Hell, not even I was understanding. This will tell you the level of stress these so called "millennials" are exposed to. Millennials (also known as Generation Y), wikipedia tells us, "are the demographic cohort following Generation X. (...)
Most researchers and commentators use birth years ranging from
the early 1980s to the early 2000s."
We are living under constant social and political pressure and economical instability, so no wonder we are a mess. And yes, I know that the generations before us had it worse but that doesn't mean we are not under a lot of continuous stress. The context is not the same, the issues are not the same so I think the level of comparison shouldn't even exist.
When my mother was my age, she for starters, had already a job, a house, a husband and a kid on the way. She didn't have all things figured out but she still had to do it because that's what everybody was doing at the time. She had another kind of pressure to face. When you have those examples from the past and then you look around and see whats going on how do you know which is the right way to go?
I spent nineteen years in my home, with my parents. I spent 20% of my life under constant protection and indication of what is good and bad with no prospect of what is going to happen once I grow up.
Imagine waking up one day receiving blows from every direction and this bundle of information just falls on you and you are not prepared on how to handle it and you do not have anybody tell you that this is good and this is bad. So you just stop.
-------------------------------
And I didn't know how to handle it. Instead I choose to believe that I was sleeping that much because I liked sleep a lot, I didn't want to go outside the dorm room because I was just too lazy to dress up, I didn't have energy because I wasn't eating properly. I was eating crappy food because I was too lazy to cook, I didn't want to interact with people just because I was because slightly anti-social. I started drinking because of the social surroundings.
To sum it up. I was lying to myself and I realized it only after I got over some of it and mainly, only today, after almost 5 months did I read by mistake an article about mental breakdowns and realized how much of an idiot I was. Constantly lying to myself and telling myself "You are fine, you are just tired, today you'll get out of the house"
Until then, the people I was living with at the time were just thinking that I am a messy, good for nothing person. And nobody saw anything wrong with the whole situation considering that they knew me before this started. They knew me when I was this active, go-lucky, active person and saw nothing wrong with the fact that I wouldn't get out of the house. I don't blame them. We were strangers.
Still, as a piece of advice when you see someone who was a person full of energy and all of a sudden she/he turns to have such a hard time living just stop from what you are doing and ask "Do you want to talk about things? What's going on?" And don't believe them when they say "Hehe, I am ok. Don't worry!" Just keep a close eye on them because it really sucks when you are far from home and you have nobody near you...
--------------------------
You see me everyday.
I am usually that girl who sits by herself in class or that girl who doesn't know how to open or continue a conversation and always (but always) is going to be an awkward silence while speaking with somebody mainly becauseshe does something or says something so outrageously silly that you just give up on the conversation and wait to get away from her.
Yeah, I am that girl. It kinda sucks, doesn't it?
I bet you know at least one girl just like that.
And let me tell you some things about myself. I dress funky because I really like thrift shops and there I can find a lot of clothes or shoes that I find gre at to wear. Because of that I kinda stand out in a crowd.
I find it really hard to get out of bed in the morning because I like to sleep more than the usual amount. After I wake up I am just a zombie until I wake up. I dress up and run to college. At college I just choose to sit somewhere in the back with my headphone on and doing my homework because I am too lazy to do it at home. I am studying two different specializations. I am currently studying arts - graphic design and economics. I am involved in a international organization and a student organization at the moment. At the same time I try to have some time for myself just so that I don't go crazy.
I used to think I am smart but I am not that smart. I don't think so anymore. I am afraid of public speaking and I don't know how to express myself. I get panicked easily and that's why I am starting to speak at an alarming rate, getting off the subject most of the time. I am not the most organized person ( an interviewer said that I was neither organized in my thoughts nor my things) so yeah
I should get some order in my life. Is pretty chaotic right now.
I like to take walks by myself because it empowers me and gives me confidence. I don't consider myself attractive because I don't know how to act sexy or how to act at all interesting or interested. I don't know how these kinds of things work so I just don't get involved most of the times.
So, hi!
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