Eu nu exist

"You have three walls of protection and one of sarcasm around you. Sometimes you should cut the bullshit!" - the things you said to me in mid autumn craze.    You never realize how shielded you are until someone points it out to you. Points out how crazy you are in fact and how much you are in need for someone to save you I told you that I don't know how I got like this. I told you that sometimes I try to say somethings but they will always get stuck at the bottom of my neck. I told you all these stuff and I believed some of them . Until the point you told me that I am full of bullshit. And I believed that this couldn't possible be true because even though I lie to those around me I would never lie to myself. I would never lie about my happiness and I would never lie to myself about my sadness..  Little did I know that most of all I lied to myself. Because in the process of making the people around me believe my fake feelings I fooled myself included up until the...

I had a mental breakdown at nineteen.  The most intriguing fact for me was that nobody seemed to understand what was going on. Hell, not even I was understanding. This will tell you the level of stress these so called "millennials" are exposed to. Millennials (also known as Generation Y), wikipedia tells us, "are the demographic cohort following Generation X. (...)  Most researchers and commentators use birth years ranging from  the early 1980s to the early 2000s."  We are living under constant social and political pressure and economical instability, so no wonder we are a mess. And yes, I know that the generations before us had it worse but that doesn't mean we are not under a lot of continuous stress. The context is not the same, the issues are not the same so I think the level of comparison shouldn't even exist.  When my mother was my age, she for starters, had already a job, a house, a husband and a kid on the way. She didn't have all things figured ...

I don't want to hurt you or leave you hurting or feel hurt because of me But, baby, if I were to leave Mourn me at least a little bit I want you to taste my lips and miss my embrace I want you to have convesations with me in your head because i am not there anymore I want you to feel the fact that i am gone at least that how will you honor my feelings for you I want you to not be able to tell a certain joke because that would remind you of how much i laughed and my laugh of my laugh you liked to make me laugh I want you to not be able to a certain bench because that would remind you of how I hold you when you were sad You were sad and I was there for you and you liked that i can be there for you I want you not to be able to smoke a certain brand of ciggars because that s what i smoked and the taste of them would remind you the taste of me I want you to pass by a girl and smell coconuts and turn around hoping that it was me passing by. M...

Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning. ~ Anonymous I've never considered love  as such a difficult thing to feel I've never though that saying  three words to someone  will have such a heavy  meaning and if i were to scale them they would be heavier than the sun and they make holes in our hearts  and would leave us mute  and silenced

i made a promise when the first snow started to fall, That I am going to tell you how i feel about you the moment snow starts to fall the same way i fell for you Slowly and then all at once. Ever since that moment it hasn't snowed not even at all not even a little bit Now I am thinking that maybe The reason there is no snow falling is because you should never find out how i feel and you should never see how vulnerable i could be when there are 2-3 words that should we spoken Maybe fate brought us together for a reason Maybe we have a lot to learn from each other Maybe both of us have to grow and we have to accept who we are I am afraid of us. and that we don't have a future together. and that i have feelings for you and that i might accept any bullshit you might pull on me. Fuck!

Vara anului 2012 a fost o vara sumbra. O vara in care pana si  cea mai mica raza de speranta s-a stins in incercarile noastra zadarnice de a ridica din cenusa un imperiu adus la pamant de giganti.    Lasand fabulatiile deoparte. Vara anului 2012 a fost chiar trista. Fiind obisnuiti ca in fiecare an sa avem parte de o vara pe cinste alaturi de oameni grozavi am fost cu totul si cu totul dezamagiti in momentul in care am aflat ca sursa noastra de distractie pe vara respectiva a fost total eliminata din peisaj.    Ne-am revoltat, ne-am razvratit, am semnat petitii , tot ce putea face un grup restrans de oameni pentru  a pune din nou pe picioare tabara.  Am considerat ca totul era injust, ne-am simtit lezati de dreptul de a ne afirma in cadrul unei tabere de arta. Am incercat sa protestam , sa ne facem auziti dar se pare ca glasul nostru a fost prea mic.    Spre bucuria noastra anul acesta avem ocazia sa retraim inca o data experienta taberei ...

In capul meu intotdeauna avem conversatii imaginare. In totdeauna in acelasi loc , pe o banca la apus de soare . In intunericul care se lasa usor ,usor pe nesimtite apoi deodata. Stam pe o banca subreda si martora a atator generatii, plina de inscriptii si declaritii de dragoste , codificari si alte cele. Stam, doar noi doi. Sunt la un capat de lume. Nimeni nu trece , nimeni altcineva nici macar nu exista .Suntem doar noi doi pe o banca , in linistea serii . O liniste cumva incomfortabilas si cumva terifianta prevestitoare de rau .  O liniste rece.  Ma privesti cu ochi flamazi si te infrupti din fiecare cuvant al meu. Eu nu am stare. Niciodata nu am cand sunt langa tine. Ma ridic si incep sa ma plimb pe bordura de langa noi. Cu pasi mici , ca un joc de copil , fara sa calc inafara bordurii , umbrele danseaza cu mine si tu ma privesti . Luna iese inainte ca unul dintre noi sa scoata vre-un cuvant. Suntem singuri si totusi impreuna.   Ma opresc din jocurile puerila si ma...

Luni intregi au trecut de cand nu ti-am scris. Cuvintele m-au impiedicat si am incercat sa uit de tine, de durere si de cicatrici . .. dar pe cine incerc sa pacalesc. Oricat m-as lupta tu vei fi acolo. O pata in trecutul meu, o pata afurisita care se raspandeste, un virus, o boala, un parazit.